Loving Yourself: More Than Just a Day at the Spa
It all begins with an idea.
How often have you heard that you need to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else? Or, that you need to love yourself so that you’ll never be lonely?
I’ve heard it too and have tried to implement it. For most, those simple words of advice are not helpful. It’s not that they are not true or accurate, it’s that many people do not know what it means to love oneself. To love oneself, to be compassionate and attentive to oneself, requires more than booking a massage, saying affirmations, and taking a mental health day away from work. As in any other change we want to make, it takes work and it takes awareness, and it’s a process.
The process can involve a number of small changes, such as:
Addressing the self-critic
Become aware of that voice that discredits you, that discourages you, that holds you back
Identify where it comes from, and who in your past it belongs to
Recognize how it controls your decisions, manipulates your conversations, and influences how you go through life
Setting boundaries
Acquaint yourself with the signs that your boundaries are being crossed (ex. exhaustion, irritation)
Identify what it is you really need and want, from others and from yourself
Understand the impact of not setting boundaries and/or letting others (or yourself) push through them
Connecting with community
Understand that you are part of the human community and are thereby not alone
Let others know when you need help or support, then let them help and support you
Live by your values
Identify what elements are important to you to have in your life
Find small ways to experience those elements within your day or week
Connect with others who can help infuse these values into your life
Recognize what self-love is not
It is not
Endless self indulgences to avoid painful feelings or emotional discomfort
Perpetually putting yourself first and ignoring the needs of others
Always speaking your mind even though it can hurt others
Going to the spa only on your birthday
Self-pity
Once you establish what self-love means to you, and you actively make some small changes to make it accessible, it is likely that you’ll start to feel more content, more fulfilled, and more connected.
Nesting
It all begins with an idea.
As I started to share with others that my marriage was ending and that I was going to be the one leaving the matrimonial home and having to rent a place, a stream of generosity poured forth to me. This generosity took the form of practical, household items being offered to me by friends and acquaintances. Among items given to me were a television, a sofa, a microwave, and a coffee table, to name a few. I could not afford to furnish my home by purchasing new items (or, even used items for that matter) so this outpouring of generosity was much appreciated and needed. Of course, I did have to supplement with items found at yard sales and local second hand stores. Being a woman of a certain age, living in a fairly affluent neighbourhood (albeit, in a rental apartment in an old house), it took some getting used to. I had not expected to be “here” at this time in my life, nestled amid gently used Ikea furniture and “vintage” finds. It felt like a step backward.
What changed my perspective was when my youngest son commented on how cozy it felt at my place. He was right! It was cozy! It was comfortable! I now look at my surroundings with new eyes. Those Ikea shelves hold books that mean something to me, books I had learned from. The bed I have on loan is where I sleep peacefully. Those donated lamps create a soft, soothing evening atmosphere. That funky chair in the corner, that I drove an hour to get to, complements my aesthetic and I didn’t need to check in with anyone else about bringing it into my home. This is my space. My nest. It is filled with items I’ve curated or that people who care about me have supplied me with. It is full of warmth and love. And it is mine.
Create the space you want and you need. Let people help you. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. Focus on what brings you joy (Colour? Scents? Plants? Lighting?). Your home is what greets you at the end of the day. It can be a warm hug when you need it most.
Blog Post Title Three
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog Post Title Four
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.