Loving Yourself: More Than Just a Day at the Spa

Written By Kim Omoruyi

How often have you heard that you need to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else?  Or, that you need to love yourself so that you’ll never be lonely? 

I’ve heard it too and have tried to implement it. For most, those simple words of advice are not helpful. It’s not that they are not true or accurate, it’s that many people do not know what it means to love oneself. To love oneself, to be compassionate and attentive to oneself, requires more than booking a massage, saying affirmations, and taking a mental health day away from work. As in any other change we want to make, it takes work and it takes awareness, and it’s a process. 

The process can involve a number of small changes, such as:

Addressing the self-critic

    • Become aware of that voice that discredits you, that discourages you, that holds you back

    • Identify where it comes from, and who in your past it belongs to

    • Recognize how it controls your decisions, manipulates your conversations, and influences how you go through life

Setting boundaries

    • Acquaint yourself with the signs that your boundaries are being crossed (ex. exhaustion, irritation)

    • Identify what it is you really need and want, from others and from yourself

    • Understand the impact of not setting boundaries and/or letting others (or yourself) push through them


Connecting with community

    • Understand that you are part of the human community and are thereby not alone

    • Let others know when you need help or support, then let them help and support you


Live by your values

    • Identify what elements are important to you to have in your life

    • Find small ways to experience those elements within your day or week

    • Connect with others who can help infuse these values into your life

Recognize what self-love is not

    • It is not

      • Endless self indulgences to avoid painful feelings or emotional discomfort

      • Perpetually putting yourself first and ignoring the needs of others

      • Always speaking your mind even though it can hurt others

      • Going to the spa only on your birthday

      • Self-pity


Once you establish what self-love means to you, and you actively make some small changes to make it accessible, it is likely that you’ll start to feel more content, more fulfilled, and more connected. 


Kim Omoruyi
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